Time for a trip down memory lane!!
Of all dishes I’m gonna feature on today’s post, it had to be this one. For the same reason why it stuck in my memory, it’s also the same reason why you’ll end up wondering:
Why the f*ck would anybody do this to him/herself?
And to you I say:
The first time – Because I could, duh.
The second time – Charity!
For my readers in Europe or the UK, I highly recommend this spot to you for quality chicken wings. The challenge itself? Not so much. Let’s get started.
Located by the Old Fishmarket Close, the restaurant looks unassuming at first, but upon the first step in, it’s akin to being taken into another world entirely. As a geek, it’s stepping into a place where all my favorite sci-fi universes were crammed into one joint. By the entrance, you have C-3P0 being a human-wings relations officer, on another wall you’ve got Star Trek stuff, the stairway covered from top to bottom in Marvel comic book covers, and the list goes as far as your imagination runs. Heck, they even have a couple of Nintendo 64s on the lower floor to indulge your nostalgic childhood memories of wrecking (or getting wrecked by) all your friends in Mario Kart.
No kappa, no kidding, it’s a restaurant dedicated to serving one thing and one thing only: CHICKEN WINGS!! And it lives up to the name, too.
I’ll let the menu speak for itself:
Price: 3.50 GBP for a bowl of 6 wings, knock yourself out
What to expect:
Even having spent 3 and a half years living in Edinburgh, I don’t think I have ever uncovered the full scope of all its wonders. Unsurprisingly, this applies to the plethora of wings on the menu, even though I make bi-monthly pilgrimages there. Highly recommend the Chitauri and the Molten Mounty flavors, Taps Aff if you’re feeling cheeky.
But enough of that, this is what you’re here for:
The suicide challenge ranks a haughty 11 on the wings menu, which considering the rest of the menu, is pretty high (the highest on the standard menu was a 5 if I remember correctly). See, for a place that prides itself on chicken wings, I saw the challenge on the menu, and two things registered in my mind:
THE WALL OF FLAME
GLORY LIES BEYOND THE HORIZON!!!
Where normal folks would sweat eating 5s, I breezed through them. Enjoyed them, even. But when it came to the Suicide Challenge, I was proven WRONG.
This is one of those dishes where you can feel the spice even by looking at it, like a demonic aura surrounding the wings themselves. The rules for the challenge:
- Completely finish all 6 wings with the Suicide Sauce, clean to the bone.
- Once complete, survive a burn timer of 20 minutes. No throwing up, no mess.
- No sour cream. Everything else is fine.
My suspicions were confirmed when they brought a second empty plate, along with a pair of gloves. To. Protect. Our. Hands. I mean, it’s just only 6 wings?
The first bite was…interesting. Sure, the sauce was hot, but boy did it have a slight zest.
Before the thought that “sour tasting foods were meant to open up taste buds” fully registered in my mind, I was hit with an overwhelming wave of spice as the concentrated load of capasicin burnt my tongue and set my mouth on fire. A delayed type of chilli burn, but not like that mattered. I forced myself to chew, and swallowing did not help either, as the burn continued in my throat, all the way down the esophagus and into the stomach. Within minutes my stomach already felt HOT, as if the chilli was trying to burn its way out.
From left: Gundit, Gandit, Kevin, Gavin, Sujay. Gundit, Gandit, Gavin, and I attempted the challenge. Only two of us survived :’)
My mates were experiencing the same thing, too. We had a plan, but that was dashed in the face of such overwhelming odds, and our progress slowed down to a crawl. We were in a battle for our lives. Nobody tells you that your life flashes by when you do stupid things, and with that pretty stupid decision mine sure was flashing by. At the speed at which a boring lecturer flips through a powerpoint. MAN DOWN!! Gavin had fallen.
GLORY LIES BEYOND THE HORIZON!!!
WITH A GRUNT COMING FROM THE DEPTHS OF HIS SUFFERING, Gandit had fallen. It was up to me and Gundit to see this through.
An hour later
A slight burn still lingers in my mouth. I’m surprised that my tongue hasn’t gone numb from all the capasicin. Gundit lifts his Frosty Pirate juice, his face redder than the aftermath from 5 bottles of Jack Daniels. I lift my Oreo Milkshake in the spirit of our brotherhood, and toast him over our covenant. There’s no memory like the one where you and your best mate crawls through hell together. It certainly wasn’t going to be the last time we did that either :’)
Tourist tip: With the wings being that cheap, I recommend ordering a wide selection between you and your friends, then exchanging them to get the best of as any flavors as you can cover. The snacks are pretty good, too, and I highly recommend the strips and the nuggets for your sides. Their cheesy chengas are quite good, too, but I would order more wings instead (more food for money imo).
Challenger tip: If you are a first timer to Wings, I suggest getting the hang of the spicier flavors on the menu first (Taps Aff!! is a good one to start with). However, if you are feeling ballsy and wish to conquer the challenge, I MUST INSIST that you read the disclaimer form thoroughly before signing it.
If you happen to be reading this final section of the post, here are my pro-tips from someone who has completed the challenge twice (ez third in the future).
- Always assume that you will suffer for the glory that is the Wall of Flame. This challenge has about 350,000 scovilles, and to put into perspective, an orange habanero is about 150,000-300,000 scovilles.
- The gloves are for your own protection. Never, ever touch the sauce with your bare skin. It burns.
- When you get the wings and are all set, do not dive into the challenge yet. Instead, what you will do is strip the meat off the bones, clean. You will then place the bones in a neat little pile.
- Separate the chicken flesh and place them in the second plate, making sure to scrape away as much hot sauce as possible on the sides of the bowl. This is not counted as cheating, and as such you can get away with technically reducing the amount of hot sauce you partake.
- Now that you’re set, wolf as much chicken down as quickly as you can possibly put in your mouth. The key here is to finish all the 6 wings in 2-3 sprints, taking care to recover between each sprint.
- I cannot stress enough that recovery between each sprint is key to completing the challenge. Eat too much too quickly and you throw up, eat too slowly and you will prolong your suffering. You’re welcome.
If you’re saying that the Suicide Challenge is too easy for you, I recommend trying out the Armagedwing Challenge. It’s the spiciest they’ve got, and upon completion of that one, you get two bowls of free wings everyday for life. Good luck!!